I know that Flag Day represents an important day in our nation’s history, but I’m willing to bet that most people either don’t know the meaning or they saw the Google doodle of the day and accidentally clicked it.  If you choose to stay ignorant (you are what you eat!), then turn back.  If you decide to stay, we’ll all learn something about flags together, using a small test country I just founded.

PATAGASCAR – a nation I just made up

Patagascaranians have long since enjoyed their freedom, embracing the nation’s motto of “Unusquisque viam suam pati” –  To Each His Own Way, or colloquially, I Do What I Want.  They are a simple people, with a population numbering in the dozens (if the party has a good turnout) and their flag is very near and dear to their hearts.

This image is only for entertainment purposes, please don't sue me, Robert VanWinkle's Lawyers!

Since the flag represents everything the people stand for, here is a complete explanation of all its features*.

Square Shape: Squares are awesome.  ‘Nuff said.

Stars: The inhabitants of Patagascar are immigrants with ancestors from Korea and throughout Europe.  The stars are red and blue to remind them of the flag of South Korea (the best Korea) and they are arranged in a circle to evoke the feeling of the flag of the European Union.  The number of stars is irrelevant and is encouraged to be different on each flag, embracing the “I Do What I Want” way of life.

Background: The background is similar to the background to Vanilla Ice’s breakthrough record “To the Extreme.”  Not only is this the way the people live their lives, but it’s also a great album, and it serves as a reminder that you can copy something as long as you just tweak one little thing.  And, on a related note, the national anthem is an instrumental version of the first two bars of “Under Pressure” by Queen played on a loop.

Not pictured in the image above is the standard way to display the flag.  Each flag should be encircled with actual barbed wire around the middle, symbolizing a tattoo of barbed wire around a bicep, which in turn represents actual barbed wire.  This is in keeping with the theme of being hardcore, and provides a place for the national bird to perch on each flag.  The national bird, of course, is “The Bird,” another name for the middle finger.

I hope your flag day was awesome, thanks for reading, and remember, the currency of Patagascar is internet pageviews, so tell your friends!

*With apologies to Roman Mars since my flag design techniques came from an episode of 99% Invisible.